In part one, we have talked about Christine’s personal story especially, her career and the challenges she faced when she was an international student. Today she put her psychologist’ hat on and shared with us her previous struggle at the beginning of lockdown and some easy tips on coping with the disconnection issue that many students are facing while studying online.
About Christine Yeung
Christine Yeung is a former international student, a workplace psychologist, a social innovator, and the founder and CEO of Beyond Story.
Christine’s Problem: Anxious
Being as a psychologist, in the beginning of lockdown, Christine was like many other people, very anxious too: worried about her parents back in Hong Kong and her own business (a lot of her trainings got cancelled). So how did she overcome that?
Through journaling, to allow herself to fully pause.
Also, she drew 3 magical circles:
An inner circle for the things within her control
A middle ring for the things that she could influence
An outer one for the things that she concerned
For instance, for the food she ate, she threw that in her inner circle. For her relationships with others, she put it to the middle ring. In terms of the timing of the vaccine for Covid-19, it went to the outer circle.
By doing these two activities Christine got to know her thinking better, and she realised she was worried about too many things that she couldn’t control:
“Oh my god, Christine, you have irrational thinking!”
“However, it’s important to acknowledge your goodness. The care has to be acknowledged. There must be something that you cared for that drove you to worry about these things.”
Disconnection
Connect with Others
How to build or remain connections with your classmates while most classes are held online?
Christine suggested having some groups with your classmates, such as cooking, painting, Karaoke, or even study groups. She heard that there were some student-initiated groups in Melbourne, and they went very well.
Also, Christine recommended a simple method: studying with your friends via Zoom.
What you need to do is just to leave your video on while working or studying without talking. It’s like studying in a library or working in an open workspace. She tried it and liked it. By doing that makes you feel you are not alone.
However, it doesn’t mean everyone needs company. Some people might need ‘Me Time’ (alone time) instead.
“The most important thing psychologically is to understand your needs, and do not afraid of expressing them.”
So, remember it’s fine to tell your friends that you need ‘Me Time’ when invited by your friends to have a zoom hangout time. “Never assume and pay more attention to what is not saying.”
Connect with Yourself
This is an area where many people tend to ignore.
What does being connected with yourself mean?
“It means knowing yourself, your uniqueness. Everyone is unique. You have to know it, live it and show it. That's how you are going to shine. It's your value, your strength, your passion, and your why.”
But it doesn’t mean that you need to get everything clear now. It takes time and it’s a lifelong journey. However, it would be ideal to know these things below:
Your strength
Your value
What makes you happy
What makes you triggered (things that make you upset, angry and frustrated, which says a lot about your values)
Why makes connecting with yourself so crucial?
“It helps you to have a quality and meaningful relationship. Otherwise, the chances are you will be in wrong relationships.”
That means you will either project something externally (others) or suffer within yourself. For example, you might blame yourself for a mean behaviour that you did to your friend.
Christine said she experienced this before. She used to get so paranoid that people were gossiping or talking about her behind her back.
So is there any way can help us stay connected with ourselves?
Yes, draw your own tree of life. Christine shared with us her unique approach:
The roots represent where you come from, branches are the wishes for the future and everything. Every single part represents a part of you, and you have a lot of identities within you.
Sounds a bit childish? Yes, initially, it was used for children, but now it’s for senior executives for leadership identity.
“I have to say a lot of leaders don't know who they are either. You can sense the energy between conscious and unconscious leaders is very different.”
Lastly, we had a great question asked by a student attendee.
Q: We, as international students, always compare ourselves to others and want to be perfect or become others. Do you think it's okay? If not, do you have any tips to help us get rid of this feeling?
A: It depends on the feelings that you get when you compare yourself to others.
Does that make you feel you are less than others or do you admire the skill that person has and want to learn from that person? Comparing is part of human nature. I compare too, but I don’t feel threatened. If I see my friend writes well, I will ask her how she can write so well, because I want to learn and grow. Also, when you compare, remember you have something to offer too. When you strive for perfection, where is the end? No one is perfect. Your imperfection is your perfection.
So I don’t think comparison is entirely a bad thing.
Thanks Christine for your wonderful sharing. I once heard, we only have two relationships in our life: one is with others and one is with ourselves. I believe getting more connected internally and externally plays a big part in our happiness. Therefore, I hope reading this article will help you move a bit closer to your own happiness path.